Baby...The Million Dollar Golden Goat

The Chase

Regretfully, I must admit that I have never been a true athlete. I run more like cold molasses in winter than a spring chicken. Diving for a goat is not what I do best and diving into a pile of goat-pooh earth has never been on the top of my list of "things to do".

Now, normally I wouldn't have given it much thought, so long as my efforts were rewarded with a goat in my clutches, but you must understand. I was a new wife recently married to my better half and I had never met the people that were here to help catch the goats, his extended family members. They stared at me like wolves at a downed calf. I wasn't sure what they had been told about me and I certainly wasn't going to ask. All I knew was that I didn't want my first meeting to be with caprine-drop earrings hanging off my face and pooh-stained grass in my hair. So, I modestly attempted to help herd this wild, uncontrollable lot of beasts into the trailer.

The Uncle had an old, three sided lean-to in the goat yard where he stored his hay. It was open on the front and had a small opening on one side. I figured the goats had helped create the side opening. They seemed to know it well, because everytime we would get them hemmed up into the little shed, they would turn and sprint out the side of the darned thing! Once again, the chase was on.

For an hour and a half, we herded, chased, cussed, ran and panted after the bunch. We tried luring them with feed. We attempted to rope the buck. We finally built temporary chutes to the trailer. We were tired, sweaty and exasperated that critters could outdo us all so badly. That was the day I learned several valuable lessons about goats, including, but not limited to things like:

1. A goat farmer gets dirty, real dirty--there is no shame!

2. If a goat gets the chance, it will escape your grasp, everytime.

3. Just when you smile and think "Ah-ha! Got you!" you won't have him!

4. Goats always turn around and run the opposite way you want them to go.

AND

5. Goats are superbly athletic: they run faster, jump higher and bounce off of things you'd never imagine! They each have a secret compartment built into their sides that invisably houses turbo-charged, rocket flight boosters and they're not afraid to use them!

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